Why Conservatives and Racists Fear the Futból
FUTBÓL: a game for vicious, poor, brown foreign women who only want to stuff something down your squinchy American throat.
I HADN’T PLANNED on writing any more about the World Cup, or about Futból/Soccer since the initial post I wrote announcing the kickoff of the games. But then I caught wind of the fact that the Grouchy Old Pricks party (GOP) is throwing itself into a veritable tizzy over them! From the satire sites on the Right to the soon-to-be-Has-Beens like Glenn Beck and dinosaurs like G. Gordon Liddy, the creepy crusty strata of the USA seems to be revolted by the global popularity of the game. And just as is the tried and true reflexive methodology of the parasitic and unoriginal White Vampiricist clan, they imagine themselves both indomitable masters of all, and yet besieged and surrounded by a dangerous and Socializzimy world that creeps forward, slavering to punk out their weak ideology with nothing more than an inflatable ball.
“I hate it so much, probably because the rest of the world likes it so much, and they riot over it, and they continually try to jam it down our throat.”
—Glenn Beck
You’ll note that Glenn Beck, like Rush Limbaugh, loves talking about forced and deviant sex, and will use as many metaphors as possible to relieve the tension he feels when nobody is discussing rape or sodomy in his presence. I mean…we are here talking sports, and where does Glenn go? Yeah! It’s a bit embarrassing. But he’s hardly alone in this fixation.
I haven’t talked about the World Cup, I haven’t talked about how they’re force-feeding this down our throats.”
—Mark Belling, on the Rush Limbaugh Show
I guess when you consider that all this talk comes from the party that has taken Teabagging to a national level, we ought to be grateful that they aren’t bringing the image of soccer “balls” into the creepy recurring visualization of throat-stuffage and leave it at that.
On the G. Gordon Liddy Show, Media Research Center’s Dan Gainor explains the origins of the game to the brave warriors of the Right:
“the problem here is, soccer is designed as a poor man or poor woman’s sport”
Gainor went on in hushed paranoid tones about what demographic exactly is pushing and shoving for the game’s popularity and where, stating that ”the left is pushing it in schools across the country.” He added that the game “is being sold” as part of the “browning of America.”
How’s that work? For every city block you populate with non-whites, you get a free soccer ball? Something to that effect?
Mister Liddy himself further elucidates Gainor’s earlier point, instructing us on how you go about even finding a suitable ball to kick around, should you be one of those poor people whom the game was designed for: cut off someone’s head to save a few bucks!
“this game … originated with the South American Indians and instead of a ball, they used to use the head, the decapitated head, of an enemy warrior.”
Futból: a game for vicious, poor women who only want to stuff something down your American throat. Funny. I always loved it (as a boy it was always my first choice of any team game to play) because it just seemed to require more skill than brawn. Then again, maybe that’s the kind of thing that really scares those who fear they possess much of the former and little of the latter? That is, I should have known the GOP—this pitiful caricature of strength and embracing of ignorance that so embodies the myth of American Exceptionalism to a T— would find cause in seething and spitting over others’ enjoying a soccer game. But I didn’t! I have to say, this only makes me love the game more, only makes me feel that much more excited about the World Cup.
I mean, don’t get me wrong: I’m no sadist. I certainly don’t want anyone stuffing anything into Rush Limbaugh’s throat or bending him over, or doing any of those things he constantly “fears” aloud; I just love the idea that my joy in watching the game does not stand alone but is buttressed on all sides by a conservative loathing! Mmmm. It’s sort of like chocolate syrup on top of a vanilla sundae. The damn thing was tasty anyway, but now it’s plain irresistible.
““the problem here is, soccer is designed as a poor man or poor woman’s sport” Tell that to David Beckham! These guys are seriously ignorant.
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Maybe it’s because the U.S. side is made up of recent immigrants. Carlos Bocanegra(Half-Mexican); Jozy Altidore(Haitian); Herculez Gomez(Mexican); Jose Francisco Torres(Half-Mexican; Ricardo Clark(Half Trinidadian); Oguchi Onyewu(Nigerian)Robbie Findley(Trinidadian); Edson Buddle(Jamaican); Jonathan Bornstein(half mexican/jewish); Stuart Holden(Half-Scottish) Maurice Edu(Nigerian); Benny Feilhaber(Jewish; was Born in Brazil)
That’s more than half the team. Afraid that the Soccer team represents who the U.S. really is.
It’s half price when you buy one Browning Nation!
I find it amusing that he had to specify that it’s a *decapitated* head…imagine if the head was still attached…
What a bunch of blowhards…
they like this kind of talks! it’s not fun enough to just talk about a head being kicked around. that’s the main course. but droppin a little “decapitated” in the mix, that’s the spice!! these halfdeads are just trying to jazz up their spiritual palate with a bit of shockery.
LOL. I hardly think that anybody in Europe thinks is a poor man’s sport
and so what of the origins of soccer
I always thought being a “poor man’s sport” was the greatest thing about it. Futbol is the only sport where even the ball is optional… I’ve seen pickup games played here where an empty plastic milk jug, or a bag of rags was used instead of a ball.
A human head? Well, that’s possible I suppose, but in Ulima (which GGL seems to be referring to), it was AFTER the game that there were human sacrifices, not before. I always thought it was one of those British public school games, and one of the few positive effects of imperialism.
nobody likes kickin around a severed head like a bored british schoolkid, it’s true.
For the record, I’ve seen one of the indigenous ball game courts, at Monte Alban in Oaxaca, (If you haven’t been, it was extraordinarily beautiful, and you should go post-haste). I think they used a ball: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesoamerican_ballgame
And it appears the origin of Futbol, as we know it today, is not ascertainable. Could be Japan, Could be the Romans(the barbaric Romans of Western Civilization!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Football#Ancient_games
What about the “soccer moms” in “real America” that conservatives praise? How about their soccer playing kids? Oh, I forgot, they’re white so they’re OK.
Good article, eye opening perspective. However, I think it’s a bit low and uncalled for to generalize “conservatives” with “racists.” I know a lot of conservatives and none of them are racists, and some of them are black/brown/non-white themselves. When you stereotype and generalize a group of people based on their ideology, you are no better than the people you are accusing of being racists. Just my 2 cents.
I’m a little confused due to your wording, sorry. To “generalize conservatives with racists”? Do you mean “conflate”? But I did not. That is why the words “conservatives” as well as “racists” were used. To indicate two separate (but often overlapping) entities.
Thanks for reading!