Hard Times Come Home

FOR A SHORT, SUNNY, MOMENT when talk this year turned toward recession (and even while documenting signs of it in my own area, I hoped I might be insulated from the effects. At least to the extent that I could continue my way of living: writing and doing artwork for money and having enough time in all of that to stay sane. I thought to myself that my clientele is an upper-middle class, well-educated, tech-savvy group and that people always need art and website graphics for their business, even in a recession.

Even as business began to drop off, I reasoned that it was fine. My business is like that, I am always jumping from project to project. Nothing is guaranteed. From marketing to invoicing to organizing jobs, to the work itself, to “customer service” and correspondence, it’s a one-man show. That’s the nature of what I do. No health insurance, no promises, no long-term security. And that’s worth the trade to me.

The first signs of trouble in paradise were clients or potential clients gradually not wanting to pay what had previously been in the acceptable range. For a while, I resisted. But why should I make less than before? I thought. I am working as hard as I always do. My work looks as good as it does today as it did last year, why are people devaluing it now? But before long, I relaxed my prices. I basically had to, or thought I did. Tossing ballast overboard, seeing work thin out. It was drop prices or….

I was, obviously, not wholly happy with the move. Understand: I’ve always done pro-bono jobs, or dropped prices for good causes. Here’s only one example: for a well-known site that organizes and advocates for the Dream Act, I made print-sized graphics, a detailed logo, multiple styled badges for online use as well as letterhead (and four variations before they were happy with design)—all for less than I’d normally charge for just one logo job. I’m happy to do these types of things, and always will be. I’ve done them since I started getting work through XOLAGRAFIK, and I always will.

But then there are frustrations when giving breaks feels not so choice-y. A few weeks ago I created a large banner for a new online organization, it’s their primary art/banner. They have funds enough, apparently, to tour the nation and give away prizes left and right. They are “Latino”-centric. Before I knew they had this budget, I gave them a reduced price. Reduced as part of my overall price relaxation. Even so, they were not so happy about an additional charge I billed when asked to make a change to the work—after it had been completed as originally requested. Guess what? I am “Latino.” I have no funds to tour the nation. You represent us? And you are haggling with me over reasonable prices. Sorry, that just hurts me. That’s disappointing.

That is just one incident. I don’t want it to distract. And I am not looking to breed ill-will, or cause any fights. (Which is why I have left names and URLS out). It’s probably a footnote for another post, one about The Second Gold Rush (to which I often refer; the new, fertile ground of Marketing to Latinos.) And honestly, moments like that wouldn’t matter so much to me, did they not drop down into the middle of my own financial situation.

But do let me underline for any who need reminding: Art—when truly “art”— is freedom for the soul, but it is not free to make! My computer, not free. My time, valuable. My skills: developed over decades. My expertise the result of tens of thousands of dollars invested in hardware, software, tuition, and experience. Yet there is a weird attitude—and I totally blame it on the US’ treatment of art/artists as some frivolous entertainment faction—that when it comes to the art/design part of the budget you can skimp us. If you are talking about your MAJOR ICON for a NATIONWIDE organization….I could have charged TEN times what I did. Really! I could. It’s reasonable. [Updated, sunday, august 9: Dude got in touch with me and told me he had to keep costs low because he paid out of pocket...even though they have mad sponsors...whom they cannot disclose yet. So I don't exactly know what's going on and I'll be trying to find out more, because as I told one of the involved bloggers when I asked more questions today about where the money is coming from, we have to keep our eyes open these days on any new Latino Group that seeks to leverage our blogger rep, cred, and skills and hangs back on disclosure.)

Eh. Now that one story seems too large in relation to this post. Aaaaand I sound bitter. I'm not...It's just that economic hardship brings out these things, eh? See, I've always had this complaint about art and the way its seen. Now it seems less abstract. That's how recessions work, I guess. The cracks in the system entire become pronounced and more of a direct threat.

Anyway, intellectualizing it all is a seductive notion, but it's clear that I've been in denial. I'm typing this on a text document that I'll soon transfer to my iPhone and then copy and paste into an app that allows me to post to UMX. Because my cable was shut off last night. And my phone bill is any day—I've been dodging them for weeks. And so on. Eating food I'm not sure is good, but out of necessity. Dealing with tooth pain that makes you want to crack your own head open like a walnut because you're broke. It's all adding up and getting to me. I can't keep pretending this is viable, so I'll need to get a job-job. Any job. Doesn't matter, and life has prepared me. I spent from 14 to about 27 working labor and junk jobs. I'll be fine on that end, and I am sure I can come back to doing what I love to do in time.

But for the moment I'm stressing. Offline, I can't even make money doing more work. Not to mention I am going to Netroots Nation (on a full scholarship) in a few days. I had two jobs I thought were lined up in time to give me deposits enough to handle that trip's additional everyday type expenses as well as my bills, but I guess it is not working out that way. And I sure do hate stressing over money. It's probably my least favorite thing to lose peace of mind over. And while I will do my best to live my day to day life free from an overriding sense of anxiety, that won't turn my cable back on or my phone.

So I'm asking for your help, should you have a few bucks extra. I don't have quarterly or annual fundraisers where I try to get 10,000 bucks to "keep going for another year." And of course I don't spend all the time I do on words and art here at UMX for any kind of return. I do it for various reasons: to explore, to be a part of the social dialogue, to share, to instigate, and just to vent, too. But I do hope, as so many of you return here over and over, that it is worth something to you and that you might feel good from time to time, in helping out when needed.

If so, please click on the Regalito (little gift) link at the top of the page, or the Tamale picture on the lower area of the page (or send to dolares[@]xolagrafik[D]com directly from your Paypal acct) to support UMX in this time of thin tacos. Alternately, now is a great time to hire me! Been thinking on a new logo/graphic/banner/etc? Hit that Contact Nezua graphic at bottom of page. I still have email! (For now).

If I could upload graphics, I’d make a little “Save Ferris” cup with a strikeout over “Ferris” and “Nezua” scribbled in, just to let you know I’m not despairing (and to shout out to John Hughes!) But since I can’t, I’ll just end by saying good morning, and please help get Nezua back online and out of Stressville!