The Day I Was Almost Human
ON MY WAY TO THE STORE TODAY, I tried to kill a small bird. Don’t hate! The GOP will set you straight. But let me start at the beginning because the end is tragic. O, If only I possessed the ability to base my feelings on an understanding of the world, instead of being a human zero-sum kneejerk reaction…like Jeff Sessions (R) of Alabama.
“Empathy for one party is always prejudice against another.” – Sen. Jeff Sessions, (R) Alabama
THIS IS, SADLY, VERY TRUE. And that’s why on my way to the store today, I tried to kill a small bird. But let me start at the beginning.
You see, I was cooking up some breakfast in my kitchen, and a wasp stung me in the process! Whoa. Well, needless to say, I swatted it, but before I could lower my feelings of wasp-prejudice, an ant ran into view on the counter.
Well, since I am incapable of feeling two empathies or prejudices at once, I automatically was filled with a teeming understanding of what the ant must endure in this world, and as I crushed the wasp without remorse, I found myself musing upon the hard work ethic and admirable social skills of Ants.
Thus, my walk down the street after breakfast was predisposed to an anti-empathy that would, by necessity, attach to some non-ant entity. After all, empathy for one party is always prejudice against another. As everyone knows! So it went, and when I found a small bird on my path dragging a limp leg behind it, I found myself utterly and inconsolably prejudiced against it. I simply had no choice in the matter.
“Dumb stupid bird!” I thought, seething with a prejudice that flared within me like ten Alabama suns.
I threw a rock at the lame bird, but missed. Imagine my surprise when I reached down for a second stone, and accidentally grabbed a snake! Ugh! And worse than that, I couldn’t let go! O, If only I possessed the ability to base my feelings and thoughts on wisdom and understanding of the world and myself, instead of being a zero-sum human kneejerk reaction. But no, that is not how life works. There is Empathy and there is Prejudice, and never the twain shall meet, just as this life is nothing more than an ever-predictable dichotomized arc with no grays or overlap to keep things flexible and unknowable and fresh.
Yup. So there I was with the snake in my hand.
As I had used up my prejudice for the moment, I had no choice but to feel empathy for the snake that was, at the moment, sinking its curved fangs deep into the flesh of my hand. I quickly grew dizzy and nauseated under the beaming sun. All I could think to myself was that the skin of the snake was rather smooth and gee, it sure must be hard to keep cool on a summer’s day when you can’t even cool yourself through perspiration.
And that is how I came to understand Jeff Sessions (R) Alabama.
Tags: Jeff Sessions, Racism, satire
Posted in Narratives, Palabras, Putos, Republicans, White Supremacy
awesome, my dear, just grandly done.
You kill me, man!
PS: I still don’t understand what’s supposed to be wrong with “a wise Latina” on the court. Would they prefer an unwise one?
don’t make me say “hotel cleaning service” to remind you of someone like buchanan’s or sessions’ or graham’s preferred Latina role.
oh damn i went and did it. but yeh. dare insinuate equal ability or SUPERIOR understanding of what Latinas go through in this culture…
i guess the funniest part is they don’t realize how anachronistic they appear. dusty, even. flaking.
This post is almost Borges like.