I KNOW YOU DIDN’T EXPECT TO TALK ABOUT THIS on a Wednesday evening, but let’s consider the anus. Oh, it doesn’t have to be yours. I know. You’re like…an Elf. You don’t have one. Anyway, I ask this not for myself, and God knows it’s not for the children, but it’s for “Kelly” who commented [...]
I KNOW YOU DIDN’T EXPECT TO TALK ABOUT THIS on a Wednesday evening, but let’s consider the anus. Oh, it doesn’t have to be yours. I know. You’re like…an Elf. You don’t have one. Anyway, I ask this not for myself, and God knows it’s not for the children, but it’s for “Kelly” who commented recently upon UMX’s hallowed walls. The comment got wiped up by my spam filter, but I think this is a conversation that will benefit…something.
Anyway, behind those [spamfiltered] walls, Kelly took a stand against another commenter, Jennifer, who asked (quite earnestly) “I just don’t understand WHY someone would want to bleach their asshole. I mean, who’s looking down there?”
Well, let’s let Kelly have her say.
Anal bleaching is not just reserved for porn stars!! Come on, people, we all have sex, right?? Even if your man isn’t DOING anything to your butt, he’s still going to end up seeing it eventually!
My eyes brush across many things in the course of a day. I expect you to be running around and arranging the world to suit them, how kind of you. Watch out, tho. Next week “your man” may decide he likes purple butts. And then where will ya be? Squatting over some grapes, I know. Because squeezing grapes with your sphincter is Not Just for Porn Stars.
If you had a brown spot on your face, your arm, or your feminine private parts, for that matter, you would want to get rid of it, right??
Hmmm. I’m guessing you go a little crazy when you talk to people who have moles. And that you are not a member of the Brown Berets?
So why should your butt be any different? You want to look clean down there, right? And a brown but, even if it IS clean, does not LOOK clean if it’s brown!
True…we all know how gross “brown” is, anyway. And really, anyone in their right mind wouldn’t want even a speck of “brown” anywhere near them! Soooo…you are spreading bleaching cream on your asshole to lighten it up. Wow. That is SO sane!
I am a housewife. I am a “normal” person.
Weeeeellll. Let’s agree to not use the word “normal” between us, amiga. I don’t think it’s a word that would match either of our sets of furniture. Cool with you?
And I bleached my butt. Jennifer asked who’s looking down there? Well, Jennifer, I’m sorry that no one is looking at yours, but any time you have sex, your man is probably going to see it. So I guess you’re not having sex.
Wait…I know what that is right there! That’s called rectalinear logic. Nice.
Anyway, I bought this AMAZING anal bleach from a website called [There's just no way you're turning my blog into a billboard for ass-bleach, Kelly, lo siento] After only five days of using it, I noticed a change!
Hmmm. Should I conjure up any special image of you “noticing” this? Do you have regularly scheduled anus-checks? Or was it a more casual type of event, like where you were just chilling with some folks and suddenly blurted out “Whoa! Did you see that? Yeah! My asshole! It’s so…pink!”
After two weeks of using it, my butt was completely lightened! I can’t believe it only took two weeks to get completely pink!! I love the way it looks, and my husband loves it too. No more brown butt for me!
Well, don’t come begging for any, then. And I’m glad for you that your husband wants your…totally pink butt. Everyone’s happy! And some of us won’t be in the hospital in twenty years with rectal cancer and an ex-husband who wanted an even pinker butt in the…end.
Lady. Your man sounds like a class A freakazoid with an unsettling expectation of ass. Just sayin’!
And don’t strike up a conversation with the UPS person next time they drops by cuz they might not like your attitude.
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jaja! i’m not against altering the natural body in all ways. i guess we all have our prejudices.
WAX THAT AZZZ!
Danger!!!
Dude.
This cannot possibly be for real.
Pass the bleach, plz. Cause I need to pour it over my *brain*…
So I guess her “man” is also bleaching his butt? After all, I hear that anytime you have sex, your partner is going to see it. It’s true! I read it on UMX!
Or is it only girls who are pretty in pink?
BEG, it’s for real. if you follow the link to the post i referred to, that’s the “jennifer” who “kelly” responded to. i just didn’t approve the comment cuz i felt it was trying to sell ass cream. but it haunted me. this post is my exorcism.
Right, Carolita? Equal opportunity bleach party, I say. And I’ll be over here laughing my brown butt off.
Well, I personally dye my ass so it can be browner and more chocolatey. Hershey’s brand.
It’s my special way of being proud of My Blackness.
yeah…thats what i use hershey’s for too. celebration.
I’d heard about and even seen (goddess help me) this particular weird hygeine phenomenon and my response, as it always is to the myriad ways humans tend to go around the bend was *shrug* “OK, Whatever”. The thing abut this exchange was how judgmental Kelly was about the fact that Jennifer really didn’t have a complex about her asshole. Goddess forbid a woman should think that she looks perfectly shag-able w/o needing to bleach/wax/shave/pluck/cut into/suck fat out of her body right? I’d say someone has a bit of an anal esteem issue and it’s not Jennifer.
yes, you are right. i am all about people being freaky. there are a few things about this that bother me, tho. i sort of hoped to get those things across in my joking way…cuz talking seriously about this really makes me feel…assholish. I CANT STOP
and i just have to say for second: shavedness has SO permeated the culture that i cant stand it. i mean, again. i’m all for people expressing themselves…this comment is not SO much about individuals…more of a collective social pressure/idea. and i have to say i find the natural nonshaved female quite enticing. more so, actually, than the “immature” look, as i call it. in my mind.
again, i dont mean to judge what a person does. lord knows i’m usually out of step with current trends in some major way, and that out of stepness is long a part of my story, so i really want to be clear on that. i’m cool with however a person wants to look. but how did we get to this default of surgically smooth vulva? dunno. it feels sometimes like that old thing where people fear the dark, fear the woods, fear the natural.
Anal Esteem Issue? Geez, Postmodern, as if I don’t already have enough inane complexes to be anxious about! Now I have to worry about Sphincter Pride? What will it be next? Urethra Underendowment? I have trouble keeping up with all of these trends.
This blog may be getting TOO up close and personal.
jajaja! oh, my friend. we have not yet begun. hold on to your jalapeño.
RC, hate to tell you. When it comes to the urethra, size matters.
Hell I’m an eighties gal and I’m keeping both my pubes and my anus as is.
but….but…you won’t be able to attract all the popular mannequins like that!
Hmmm I just keep my tighty-whiteys wet with Clorox and kill two birds with one stone. But a friend of mine recently switched to Oxy Clean (ahh the bubbling action is so refreshing!!!)
mmmm. bubbling bleach action on delicate skin. how soothing that sounds.
As usual Nez always has a great way of Anal-yzing the situation.
hey. i’m ya back door man.
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Ahhh, just another reason to love being black. My skin is brown. My ass is brown. It’s all good; and clean BTW.
Hmm. I think I’ll just go get it waxed now with all the money I’ve saved on bleach.